Last piece for you.

I'm typing this at the exact table where we drank last night - where unanswered questions finally left our mouths - where we found lost answers - and where we finally ended it all. How can a conversation be comforting and painful at the same time? 

I always thought that our story is just always a case of wrong timing and we made it very clear last night, that anytime that you try to communicate with me, it is always at the wrong time, and same for me but I think the universe made August 7, 8:30 pm a very exact timing for the both of us. We met again. It's been 5 years since we last saw each other. It seems like 5 years is already enough for you to change. I cannot see any trace of you that I knew but after all those five years, there's something that didn't change - my feelings, which is the reason I'm writing this. 

" You never said that you want me back" This may be one of the statements that I'll never forget for the rest of my life. This clearly states how cowardly I am to show my intent not just to you but to the very people around me. I got what are you trying to say and I hope mine too, that It is not that I don't want to be honest with you but I'm just afraid that I might lose you again, this is our third chance to be friends again and I don't wanna waste it but that fear took a toll on me. 

You want me to say what's on my mind without any hesitations and here it is: After last night, realized might be an understatement but proves to me that you're still the one, you will always be the one that got away. I still have feelings. There is something in you that I cannot see from anyone else that I met; comfort, security but jokes on me, you felt the other way around, you realized the other way around. The fact that you felt that is not surprising, I cannot blame you for that but in full honesty, It just hurts me that I wasted another chance to be happy maybe, I always chase everything after they are gone, if they are already out of my hand. You asked me not to burn bridges again after what happened, I'll try. I cried, a lot. I was hurt. You will always be the pain that I'll carry for the rest of my life. I'm not okay but maybe who knows someday, I will be.